In the process of trying to figure out what is important to me, I came up with a theory. Its not exactly a theory rather than a practise of defining what my priorities are. The problem with most people, me included, is the fact that my priorities don't really change much dynamically, and the ability to do that would really do wonders for general planning. In a sense that I am not tied down by the monotony of a specific goal in life. But slowly developing the ability to alter my goals as time passes to suit the situation.
And as I am experiencing this process I have actually developed my sense of negativity even further. What has been gone for some time is slowly creeping back. I can't say that I'm not enjoying it either. It really does provide a sense of realism to life, you know, the fact that not everything is fine all the time, and that I don't have to pretend to be happy, or okay. That itself is liberating...and perhaps with this liberation I will eventually be free to be me again. How does that really help me get ahead in life?
I'd think that too many people search for this answer, trying to fit into a mould, rather than defining what the mould is. If you aren't a pre-processed success story, then you are not successful in your own right. True? False. Congratulations, you are well on your way to yuppiehood.
So what do you do once you realize that yes, it is important to maintain my individuality, but I still have bills to pay. By all means, creative expression and self-discovery does not mean ignorance and total detachment from reality. It just means that you carry on with life as it is with the realization that you are an individual, as simple as that. There are no pre-set rules for individualism. If I told you what you ought to be doing now then I would be contradicting myself wouldn't I?
Then again, here is the other question. Are we ready for this kind of forward movement? Or do we still need to create moulds for these lost souls to fit in simply because there is a need for order? At the moment we have people trying to be different just because. The crave for attention is sick and a rather low method for social recognition, and as they feed society with their own logic of creative expression they are simply creating a society of chaos when order is sorely needed.
What then, is the right balance? Its the realization that the world works in one way. Clockwise. No matter how you want to oppose it, it will still rotate the same way, days will pass, people will grow old, and you will die eventually. Such is life and there is no reason to oppose this, but once you realize that this is the way the world works, then you are ready for it. Most aren't. If you feel by opposing nature you are making a statement, then you are well over 2 steps behind of being remotely useful in the first place.
What am I doing to support this quick outburst of mental activity? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I'm loving every moment of it.