rediscovering patience

People who know me would already know that I don't like waiting for people, its a real waste of time, no matter if you have a lot or a little of it. Its a far cry from the past where time was not essential and therefore was no object, especially in college where we'd make appointments at 10 in the morning and then end up oversleeping or something similar.

So after working for a couple of years you experience an important aspect of life: its called karma. What goes around comes around. What better way to experience that than to wait for someone who's late. So after that I decided that I needed to change. Now I'm super punctual, and I like that fact. I know some people who are painfully early for meetings, better to be early than to be late, they say. But for some reason I practice a more 'just in time' method.

Recently, however, several events forced me to be patient. So, the whole idea of patience is time, and waiting. Is it a waste of time? I started wondering about that. What constitutes a waste of one's time? Well, most people would retort that the time wasted can be more efficiently spent at work. Or, I could be doing all these things instead of sitting here doing nothing. But if a person sits in one place doing nothing, then that's exactly what is happening. However if the said person sits there doing something, then of course, something will be done. That redrew the whole concept of looking at things differently, because all around us, there is something to be done. Its the age of telecommuting, and multitasking and bringing work with you wherever you go, even if you don't have a job that allows you that freedom, just by reading a book, or writing, or sketching, allows you to expand your horizons wherever you are, and when you do that you aren't exactly wasting your time.

I also rediscovered meditation. Sitting there in deep relaxation, making up for all the hours of lost sleep, is quite soothing. I guess after a while, patience really is a really far off concept for a lot of people in this fast-paced society that we live in. I know I don't have it, but its good to know that at least now I'm rediscovering it.

being affected

Time seems to pass by a lot slower when you are anxious about something, that is the mechanics of time. Recently I had a chat with my mom and I realized something, that there are a lot of factors that change a person's thoughts and decisions. Time, money, experiences all contribute to the end result. Its not a question of quantity, you cannot ascertain that there is a positive correlation between any increase, or decrease with your desired outcome. If so, then what is it, really?

I thought about it a while, and then I realize that the only change that occurs is from within oneself, not from without. Meaning, your environment does not change you, you change yourself to suit your perceived environment. That baffled me somewhat, because all the while everyone tells us otherwise. There are self help books teaching you how to deal with people and the environment, telling you to do this and that, telling you how to make choices in life. Step out of the whole scenario for a while and you will see the picture more clearly. You see the characters in the storyboard. First there is the stage, where the environment is, then there is the evil villain, the person you have to deal with, or fight with, your known enemy, there is the deceitful friend, who feeds you negativity so you will fail, the positive friend who encourages you but does not tell you your weakness, and the Swiss guy who's always neutral about everything, whom you go complaining about life to.

So for example in the above scenario, there are so many outcomes, you could think that your life is depressing because of all these people you have to deal with. You could think that life is okay because you have friends that tell you not to achieve more in life, or you could be angry that you aren't really going anywhere in life. But you are currently looking at this situation from a wide angle perspective - imagine if you are immersed in it, you would not be able to see where you are, who you're dealing with, what you're listening to, simply because if you choose to listen to any of the characters your responses will certainly be different for each and every one of them, and when you make life choices based on external factors, your life changes, not theirs. So in the end who is in the losing spectrum? The fact is that I believe that it is wise to take everyone's opinion into account, but yet not be generally affected by it, but make your own calculated decisions, what is wrong, what is right. That requires a sum of self-esteem not to be so easily swayed and maintain one's integrity and composure, but think about it, at the end of the day, you made a choice to change your life, not because somebody told you you should.

I can't get this Andrea Bocelli song out of my head at the moment:

Dell'Amore Non Si Sa

Parla al mio cuore digli che sai
Dei miei dolori che non dormon mai
Parlami o stella
e dimmi se lei verrà
Notte d’agosto e dei desideri
Cerco amore e vorrei che s’avveri
Lei che sorride passando per la mia via

Ah, com’è difficile spiegare
Ma tu stella amica
Dimmi se resterà …

Dell’amore non si sa
quando viene o se ne va
dell’amore non si sa
quando sarà
da dove arriverà

Stella sorella dei sogni miei
parlami ancora fino a domaini
dimmi se è vero
che lei esiste per davvero

Ah, com’è difficile sperare
Ma tu dimmi sempre e
Solo la verità...

Dell’amore non si sa
quando viene o se ne va
dell’amore non si sa
ma quando amore arriverà
tutto intorno cambierà
nella notte brillerà

… tutto cambierà ... tutto rivivrà con te