Thursday, January 05, 2006

the trashy post

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was female and had trashy friends.

omg check *this* out
thats so not you
yeah this place sucks lets go somewhere else
oh did you just check out that guy
what guy
he was totally checking you out
really? was he cute?
yeah kinda. sorta. in a dorkish way
i hate dorks
yeah but he was cute
he's yours then
ooo mng's on sale!
omg what are we doing here then
what do you think of this?
what do you think of this?
we just gotta keep looking
i dont see anything nice
must be that **** that bought everything
what is she like rich or something
must be the boyfriend
i bet you he's rich
well either that or..
i gotta try this
but you can't afford it
well i'm not buying it..duh.
maybe you can get a rich boyfriend
what if...
what if...he's a dork?
eew. well, maybe if hes rich enough
yeah but usually they are
some are just losers
most that i meet are
i think its karma, you know?
oh like the afterlife?
no, like, what you do, they do to you?
thats deep.
yeah but i keep meeting them so i'm like, what *did* i do?
maybe you killed something, like an ant
omg i heard about that, like its some sorta...buddhist thing right?
i think thats karma
like rising from the dead stuff?
no thats the mummy, you're like so duh
well excuse me miss i-killed-a-fish
i didnt like, killed it okay, it was already dead
coz you killed it thats why
i'm hungry
lets have hotdogs
i love hotdogs
did you know i thought they made them with daschunds
are you like, smart or something? you remember the scientific name
daschund is not a scientific word
yeah but i call it sausage dog. coz you looks like...
i know. but its a daschund. i'm cleverer that way
i can't eat hotdogs without guys staring at me
yeah whats up with them
losers, i think. its just food.
yeah, like, totally.
let's like, not eat.
yeah i dont think i can deal with staring today
but i know you love it
yeah if they're hot
hot guys dont hang out at hot dog, like, places
i think i'll just have some water
like, evian?
totally, of course.

* This process eliminates the brain cells that I don't need, as how snakes shed their skin to make way for new skin, hopefully I would be able to have some new brain cells. I just needed to get rid of some, since, like, I have so much.

becoming predictable

As time progresses I realized that life has become more predictable. Take for instance my car. I started driving my Volkswagen many years ago, collecting many interesting stories in the process, failed brakes, things falling off, that kinda thing, and now I drive a Toyota, quiet, reliable, and well, boring.

I drove the Volks again today, this time to a further distance than usual. It reminded me of my past where I would go everywhere with this car. But today somehow I hesitated; what if it breaks down in the middle of KL? What if I can't start it up again? Questions that plagued me now as they did before, but just that when I was in college I could afford the element of surprise because frankly I didn't really need to get anywhere on time. Any breakdowns were a viable excuse to just skip classes altogether. But I think after a while you lose what I'd call faith. We have no faith in people (everyone's out to get you), we have no faith in authority (they just want our money), we have no faith in the government (they just want our money), or even wonderful new acquaintances (they're out to get you, and then your money).

In fact I got so paranoid that I left the engine running as I ran outside to the photo shop. I had the keys to the doors of course which I cleverly detached from the other keys so I can lock the doors while leaving the engine running. Yes, leaving the keys in the car doesn't sound like the cleverest thing to do. But then it was closed (the photo shop), so I headed to their main branch, which was near the US Embassy. I didn't want to leave the engine running there or it'd seem suspicious, so I turned it off. I read in the papers that after the bomb scare they noticed a guy armed with a camera. It just struck me as funny that someone can be armed with a camera like it was a sort of weapon. Cameras are not weapons. And in KL they're called Tourists. Or art school students. Go ahead and arrest them, see what happens.

Well the car started again after that. I must subconsciously be addicted to the adrenaline rush of the possibility of the car not starting, because as anyone can tell you, it isn't easy trying to convince someone to lend you their car battery.

On the way back I saw a couple of traffic policemen on their bikes. In one swift motion I unhooked the safety belts and kinda threw it across the side. Yes I don't use the safety belts in the Volks coz if I remembered correctly I didn't need to for a car this old. Safety belts didn't even come with the car it was just sort of bolted there years ago as an ornament of some sort. Anyway to prevent any kinda confrontation I did that out of instinct. It was then that I remembered a bit of my childhood.

When I was younger my aunt, bless her heart she's not with us anymore, used to pick me up from school in her old Honda. One day I asked her how come she puts the safety belt across but wouldn't secure it to the anchor. She laughed and said that there was no need. I could never understand that concept of it at that time, because, and I told her, that it doesn't really do anything because if we crash then the belt won't really do anything at all. (Yes I was an analytical child, would've done well in Physics if I could stay awake in class). The thing is years later I'm doing the same thing, for the same reasons. To avoid confrontation. Adults have a tendency to let people see what they want to see. We do that a lot more than we think, conforming to standards, in areas of fashion, or personality, or interests. We have a couple of offbeat ones who go overboard in their own non-conformist society, whom we like to label as punks, freaks, goths. I call them kids.

The real question is, are we able to maintain our identity without arousing confrontation? Can we be unique, special and interesting without being categorized? Some optimists would tell us that we are all special, but none of us are really doing anything that would support that. Perhaps that's why we feel that sometimes life just seems like a big old iteration that we keep going through, and wonder what our real purpose is.

Monday, January 02, 2006


I just have to check back on my previous new year celebrations. I don't know what I do but I have a firm suspicion it has to do with bottles of liquor and a memory lapse. This year, there was nothing. I was sober as an innocent child and that was it. I thought to myself oh man, I hope this doesn't set the tone for the year to come. I was just feeling so tired. All I needed was a hot bath, a good scrub and some sound sleep.

Which I did, and after which I thought to myself, it is a good year.

But I don't feel it. I don't think we feel it at all, the new year feeling. Its all propaganda, commercialized mumbo jumbo that we are ushered into celebration. I don't feel that its a big thing, new years, because really, its just another day. We'd probably sill write '05' mistakenly for the next few weeks because thats when the new year's feeling will set in. When you start writing it down, or looking at the calendar, or when you start planning, then you'll realize; oh, it IS a new year.

So what does 06 hold? Who can really say anyway. Every year I look forward to some sort of adventure. Not the swashbuckling treasure island type things but challanges, you know. Its a love-hate relationship, challenges. I hate it but once I get around to doing it I love the feeling. But this year will be challenging. Its the year of maintenance, and creation. I have to maintain everything so it runs like clockwork and create new stuff. A lot of brainstorming sessions, a lot of fun, and possibly a lot of time spent alone. But who can really tell, right?