I recently been exposed to some great television. Not that shows like 24 weren't great, they were, but we continually see an influx of good programming that really puts the whole reality tv theme to shame, and one of them is 'House M.D.'. This series casts a sarcastic, truthful and painfully intelligent doctor with a limp, Gregory House, as he solves medical situations that usually you'd see people give up on, or simply just prescribe wrong medication, which in my experience is extremely common here, or at least that's what my experience with medical practioners lead me to believe.
One thing about House, that I noticed is his intensity, and that is no better showcased than in Episode 9 of Season 1 called 'DNR' or 'Do Not Resuscitate', where he encounters a fictional trumpet player called John Henry, with as intense a personality as Dr.House himself. When it seems that all solutions fails, and John accepts his fate of death, House refuses to give up, and this conversation that they have had a profound meaning for me.
John: So, you came here to tell me that even if I can't walk I can still hear the birds sing? Enjoy the rainbow, and feeling the sun shine on my face?
House: Those things are fun. Okay, life sucks. Your life sucks more than most. It'?s not as bad as some, which is depressing all by itself. But do me a favor. Just let me find out what'?s wrong with you. And if you still want to kill yourself, I'?ll give you a hand. That sound fair?
John: Yeah, sure. I'll stick around to indulge your obsession. It'?s over. I lost my air. The session the other night, with those kids? That was a test to see if I could still play. I can'?t.
House: And that'?s all you are? A musician?
John: I got one thing, same as you.
House: Really? Apparently, you know me better than I know you.
John: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret. You don'?t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn'?t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That's because they don't got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music, you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain'?t gonna happen for us.
House: That'?s why God made microwaves.
John: Yeah, but when it's over, it'?s over.
It reminded me of my thoughts a few days ago. I had become immensely jaded of late, and this is perhaps the first time I have used that word to describe my position although many have known all along that eventually I would end up jaded what with my work schedule. Its not that you've given up as much as you've just grown to accept things as it is simply because changing takes too much effort and all you want to do is just to get it done so you can move on.
In the midst of the jadedness is the intensity and determination to finish 2 outstanding projects, outstanding as in overdue, and not exceptionally excellent, although the latter is what I aim for all the time. It is then that I realize that I, too, have only one thing, and that makes me different from a lot of people, which is why the concept of me having a normal social life seems to take a lot more effort than normal. Granted real life isn't what it is on TV, but think about it, its the concept that's what I'm asking you to look at. The possester that I posess encourages me to improve and improvise and create and focus, and its almost impossible to penetrate the barrier unless I remove it altogether, which will make me complacent altogether. I love and hate that feeling. Well, to think about it, I lean towards dislike more. I hate being complacent.