Hello everybody. My name is Elby, and today I'd like to tell everyone that I have an ant problem. Yes, my home is infested with ants. They're everywhere, and I've became initiated an ant holocaust of some sort...seek and destroy, that kind of thing.
It started not too long ago when the black ones started showing up in my room. I mean these are your regular garden variety ants. I figured that they probably lost their way and found themselves into my room via the window. But when more of them started to appear, I began to realize that these ants without directions (because they seem to not follow a pattern, they're just constantly roaming around randomly), which eventually began to annoy me. I mean, if you're after something sweet, at least I know where you're going, but if there isn't then they're just doing hanging around without a purpose.
The last straw was when they appeared in my bed. I mean...there's absolutely no food in my room and yet they're present. So I called the pest control people, who came and fumigated place. But then 2 days later they showed up again, apparently resilient to the chemicals. I've resorted to using my own methods of capture in the form of masking tape. You see, they don't respond to squishing, especially the little red ones. So taping them is the only way to stop them. Only recently did I realize that they're still alive when I tape them, so I used my cigar lighter which emits a turbocharged burst of blue flame to finish them off in little poofs of smoke. Is it fun? Well, no...I admit I feel evil, with my diabolical plan of total elimination of the species, but I really don't see a better way to deal with intruders, do you?